What is Blogfest? A super fantastic way to get your work read and to suss out bloggers you may have never heard of before. Roni over at Fiction Groupie has hosted this one — dedicated to the art of dialog. Winner gets a $10 Amazon gift certificate. Visit http://fictiongroupie.blogspot.com/2010/04/lets-talk-blogfest.html to find out more or to sign up!
Before we start .. a special thanks to Stephanie Haefner for the heads up.
Now, without further ado, my entry (excerpt from The Secret Island Adventurers Club):
Plot note: This is eleven-year-old Pipa Benedict-Bean’s first opportunity to impress uber popular girl, Amy Henning, as the two go shopping together after school.
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Pipa began to finger through the bracelets, admiring the tiny jewels that adorned each one.
“No, no, no!” Amy scolded.
Pipa jumped. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
“It’s just that it’s important,” Amy explained, shaking her head. She pulled out one of the tiny stools, motioning for Pipa to sit. “It’s important that you select your new bracelet properly. Otherwise, it’s just meaningless. These are special. It’s all about matching your personality to the jewelry.”
“Oh.”
Pipa started to feel so small – like an itty-bitty flea upon a lion’s back. Amy had been nothing but nice to bring her to La Petite Boutique and Pipa couldn’t even afford a silly novelty eraser let alone the bracelet both girls so desperately wanted her to have. There had to be a way to get out of there without embarrassing herself. She just needed to think of it.
Amy sat on the stool opposite Pipa and placed the wooden slide chart between her hands. “Now,” she said, clearing her throat. “What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue.”
Amy’s hand slid the first wooden toggle to the right, stopping it under a column of answers written in shades of blue: light blue yeses and darker blue noes, teal maybes and sapphire nevers.
Then she asked the next question, “What is your favorite number?”
“Twenty-four.”
“Twenty-four, really?”
Pipa’s palms felt a little sticky. Was that the wrong answer?
“Okay, then. Two plus four equals six.” Amy slid another toggle under the number six on the chart. Pipa suddenly noticed that the chart’s options only included numbers one through ten and she felt completely stupid for offering such a ridiculously high favorite number. Amy continued on with the questions.
“Would you say that you’re thoughtful?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like chocolate?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have any siblings?”
“No.”
“Would you eat raw fish?”
“Never.”
The questions continued in this manner until Amy finally sat back in her chair, looking rather pleased. Then, without saying a word, she went about the work of tallying the results on a pad of paper. She scribbled down the word “cerulean blue’” (revealed by counting up the tallied yeses, noes and maybes), and then the number six (the result of Pipa’s favorite number). She maintained a very serious expression as she lifted the dowel containing only blue shaded bracelets. After thumbing through several that weren’t quite right, she found one the color of a deep, beautiful August sky. It was the most stunning color Pipa had ever seen. Amy double-checked to make certain the bracelet contained six white rhinestones and then proudly handed it over to Pipa.
Pipa didn’t know what to say. It was stunning. It was perfect. It was so her.
This is such a cute scene – you’ve captured girls this age so perfectly! I’m wondering how she’s going to get out of there without embarassing herself…
Neat scene. I like the way they interact and how Pipa’s inner dialogue is so true to a girl that age.
Thanks so much for the shout out!!! Love the scene, of course!!!
Nice work! Very cute. It’s such a simple scene that could easily have been boring but you’ve portrayed it wonderfully. Maybe cut down on the dialogue tags?
Aww. I wonder if Amy is really going to be her friend, or just interested in having someone to dress up for a time. I hope it’s the former! Nice scene!
This sounds like a really interesting jewelry store. And you captured it entirely through dialogue. Bravo! I hope Pipa gets the bracelet after all. ^_^
~Lia
I love the way you slowly let it dawn on Pipa that there is a sort of magic in finding the bracelet meant for her. I just hope that magic isn’t smashed. Wonderful excerpt.
This was wonderfully done. I love the “logic” in deciding the right bracelet. You did a great job in creating tension, too, because now we’re left thinking, “What is she going to do? The bracelet is perfect for her!” I’d love to read more.
Hey, my favorite number is 24…
Great scene. You did a wonderful job on the dialogue between the two girls.
Belated but heartfelt thanks to everyone for the amazing feedback! You make a girl feel good. I’m slowly getting through the entries list and am humbled by the amazing talent. Really. Great work!!