They sorta go hand-in-hand.
You can’t have Big Change without some sort of internal drama to decide which path to take. Door A or Door B? Sometimes, you really, really want to take both. So that’s what I’m going to (attempt) to do.
It’s official. I’m now a full-time, work-away-from mom. Super-fantastic ad agency, that’s literally walking distance from my house, and has a roster of amazing clients (you know, the one I’ve been doing freelance gigs for recently) offered me a full-time position. And after some internal deliberation I thought, “Wait. You mean I’ll get a steady paycheck? Without invoicing you first or hounding you for missing payments? And I’ll be working with people I already know are pretty awesome? Oh, and you’ll throw some health insurance in the deal too? And I’ll be doing what I love to do?… Okay-thankyouverymuch-I’ll take it.”
But now, as the eve of my last week as work-at-home-mommy dims to a close, I’m having a minor freak-out. You see, it took me awhile to get into the swing of full-time mommy + part-time freelancer + part-time novelist. But once I’ve gotten into the groove with it — it works. I have my schedule. Novels get written. Child is doted on. Life is good. So what happens now? Will novels be shelved? (Never.) Will child be left in a dark corner to fend for herself. (Never ever.)
I suppose I’ve just answered my own concerns. But still. I’m worried. And I’m a pretty good worrier so I’ll stick with it for awhile.
I’m not one who adjusts well to change. Yet time and time again I throw myself into change, hurdling face-first into the abyss of the unknown like a wild mongoose. (Get married and move to NYC with no job or apartment? Yep. Sounds good. Quit lucrative career in the big city and buy house in a quaint little village to start a new company with hubby? Absolutely. Sign me up. … notice a pattern here?) But for me, change = growth. I’m so unbelievably cautious that the only way I know I’ll grow is if I throw myself into the scariest situation possible. Otherwise, I’m quite content to float along in my river of comfort, never really experiencing all of the “what ifs” I often think about. And let’s be honest — every once in a while, you’ve gotta give yourself a “what if” chance and see where it takes you.
So, I’m giving the Senior Copywriter gig a try. Write ad copy during the day, pick up The Toddler from daycare by six, dinner on the table by six-thirty, Toddler into bed by eight … commence writing sequel to SIAC by nine. Repeat.
If I start typing gibberish and run-on sentences over the course of the next few weeks, you’ll completely know why.
